That Wonderful Hot Mess Called
Motherhood
by Cindy Hester
Moms, are you ever
guilty of measuring yourselves against a standard put out there by the world
that is impossible to meet? I am not sure why we are so hard on ourselves. I
mean after all, anyone who watches the news or pays attention at all to the
world around us can see enough evidence of shortcomings to go around. It is
often so easy to pass judgement on another mother simply because it makes it
just a tad easier to deal with our own inadequacies –real or perceived.
If you are at all familiar with my writing, you know I love
to write humorous stories about my Mom. The reason is not to make fun of her.
It’s actually quite the opposite. Mom has a genuine approachability that
touches the lives of others by putting them at ease in her presence. She
understands the power of being able to embrace and own up to her humanity.
Because of this quality, many women have found comfort and acceptance in her
presence.
Mom has learned to find the humor in even the most difficult
of situations – especially those related to parenting. This is a strength I
greatly admire. Although she has developed this wisdom more in her later years,
every so often I still hear her speak of how she failed us kids in one
situation or another. The amazing thing is I remember no failures on her part.
From my perspective, all I remember is a loving Mom who was doing her best to
bring up four quite challenging children in a less than perfect world. (Okay, I
was the challenging child, but it makes me feel better to include the other
three.)
Trust me; I have and I still am providing my children plenty
of anecdotes to share about their Mom. Like the time I was stressed from trying
to meet too many challenges at once and forgot to put the car back in drive
after realizing I was stuck out a little too far into the street at a stop
sign. I was taking college courses studying between providing rides to after school
activities and helping with my children’s homework and class projects. This
particular afternoon I had just picked up my daughter from band practice (actually it was flag practice with the band.) The
kids were tired, hungry, and grumpy. It was in the middle of a teaching moment
about the importance of getting along with one another that I finally saw the
opportunity to pull out onto the main street. I put the petal to the metal, but
instead of going forward, I slammed into the poor woman behind me.
Understandably the
woman got out of her vehicle angrily shouting things I cannot repeat.
Embarrassed and defeated, I got out of truck, insurance information in tow,
attempting to tell her how sorry I was between sobs. She paused as she caught a
glimpse of three big sets of eyes staring at her from the back window. Taking
in the hot mess that was me at that moment in time, she looked me straight in
the eye, put her arm around my shoulder, and in a deep southern drawl said,
“Girl, you gotta’ let somethin’ go! I know from experience that you need to get
you some help with all of these things you are juggling or you’re gonna’ lose
it!”
This woman had no idea just how much was going on in my life
at that point in time. She may never know how much her direct words of wisdom
and understanding meant to me that day. Thankfully there was no major damage to
either vehicle, and I left the situation comforted, understood, and with a new
friend.
Moms, we need one another. I watch as my daughters-in-law
struggle to meet the demands of motherhood in today’s world. I see stories of
mothers on the nightly news whose sons or daughters have taken on a life they
would have never chosen for them. I have watched my own Mom struggle through
watching me make mistakes that undoubtedly broke her heart. I have felt the
many prayers she has lifted to heaven on my behalf and on the behalf of my
children, and I have seen the results of those prayers. To be perfectly honest,
I still fight carrying the guilt of the many mistakes I made as a Mom and a
Step-Mom.
Today I feel the need to reach out to Moms of
all ages and backgrounds with a word of encouragement. The common bond
we hold is the love we have for our children and the hope to which we cling for
them to experience goodness in their lives. This hope is not in vain because is
there is a God who loves and cares for our children even more than we ever
could. He not only wants them to experience goodness, He created them for this
distinct purpose. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
I also want to remind each of you that goodness in the
lives of our children often comes at the culmination of a learning experience.
That learning experience can be painful for them and for us. Whenever I find
myself watching my child go through such a time, I am reminded of the wise
words of that woman years ago. It does me no good to worry and fret. It does
neither of us any good for me to attempt to control or “fix” the situation. I
have ”gotta’ let somethin’ go”. I have to release my child and his or her
situation into the hands of a loving God with far more wisdom than I could ever
obtain. He is incredibly able “to will and to act in order to fulfill his good
purpose.” Philippians 2:13
Finally, I want to inspire each of us to find the humor in
the many “mistakes” we make as we are learning to become the Moms God wants us
to be. The love we show our children far surpasses meeting any standard the
world gives us to measure up to. None of us has the wisdom on our own to be the
perfect Mom. We must learn to simply bring our hopes as well as our
disappointments and failures to our Heavenly Father seeking His will and His
forgiveness. Be honest and real with one another, and “bear one another's
burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
